I spent this summer recovering from the school year. I invested as little as possible into anything, hoping that my love of teaching would return. After the last school year, my energy was drained. I felt like I hit a wall. After four years, I wondered if my passion would ever return. The countless hours that I poured into my students only came to about half-fruition. Investing so much time into planting seeds, I hoped they would sprout. It seemed as if the soil of an inner city school lacked too many nutrients for plants to grow. Maybe that is teaching, I thought.
After a long winter, I'm ready to teach again. Two months of self-care and reading theory brought the sunshine back. I'm hoping I take the time to plant seeds more carefully and find the right conditions and the right tools. My goals are numerous and my optimism is high. If I dig deep enough, I can get back to my theoretical and political roots that drove me to become a teacher in the first place.
I hate grading, but I grade endlessly. It's a necessity because it motivates students when all other incentives fail. I've come to learn that this sort of extrinsic motivation, which I detest, burns students out. The endless stress that they experience as high school students spills over into how I feel as a teacher. Alfie Kohn, a radical education theorist gave me the hope that instilling intrinsic motivation is possible. I doubt I'll be able to fully escape the terror of grading, but it's a admirable goal that I aspire to achieve.
I'm teaching a lot of students that I've taught before. Whether last year or two years ago, these students carry the baggage of constant judgement. Students and teachers often see each other as static people. I always fight this myth.
My goal this year is to give students a fresh pot of soil without the contaminants of pass judgement. I will never talk about students in any disparaging way. I'll defend them when other teachers complain about them. They deserve that. My personal belief is that people have a radical ability to change when they are put in an environment that discards the relics of their past.
Personally, I'd like to mature more as a teacher. I often fall back on sarcasm in order to entertain students when their interest fades. It's time that I set the example for who I want students to be in the classroom. This doesn't mean throwing out humor, but it means exercising more self control when the adversity of a given situation grows. Immaturity grow easily, but the genuine intellectual curiosity takes self-control and care.
I really don't know what to expect from the school year. Teacher burn out might come sooner. It could come later. Like the change of the seasons, stress is inevitable. It has the ability to manifest itself faster than the mind can process it. My only hope is that I can maintain my sanity and be the teacher who I want to be. Honestly, I can't picture myself doing anything else besides teaching. The organic relationships that we build in school can't be matched in any other profession. The truth is that people are more complex than plants. Sometimes their progress is delayed and they take years to sprout.
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